Gia Raquel

It’s two in the morning and I’m staring at myself in the mirror, realizing I’m falling in love again

My, what more could I ask than to romanticize my stretch marks

And bark out laughter toward the anxieties gathering in my throat

It had been so long

So fucking long

Since I was able to welcome myself back

I no longer feel the fog of dizziness when I sit up

Or the belief in success after sleeping through breakfast every day

I used to check my weight like how I checked the time

At 5:02 I was 129.3 pounds

At 7:34 I was 131.4 pounds

Because it was after dinner, but that was okay because it would go down by morning

I was sick

I loved myself because I had somehow been convinced that the emptiness I felt belonged only to my depression

I wasn’t hungry anymore

I didn’t want him to stop loving me

But then I forgot how to love myself

It’s two in the morning and I’m at peace

I’m staring at myself in the mirror and I can only guess the numbers because I’ve given up on finding the scale

And the clock feels more important now

I lift my shirt and look at my bare breasts

My stomach, not as flat as before

My thighs touching like sisters greeting each other after years apart

I love you

It’s two in the morning and I love you so much

Please let me remember this in the morning