Self-hatred: Noun; Hatred, disregard, and denigration of oneself.
What is often forgotten:
Self-hatred is a dangerous dance amongst crinkled eyes I can never look at directly. It is the falsely forgotten memory of his voice, suddenly brought to my attention all the way across a room.
It is you, in the form of my mother attempting to fix me. My father, suggesting why my body is ‘big’ or why boys don’t like me.
It is him, one I do not even know, only know of, standing there with meaningless words that bang against my head like a migraine. It is her, a comparison of constant beauty that I can never seem to reach.
It is me, looking at the mirror with disdain and droopy eyes, attempting to feel some kind of love I can only seem to read about. It is me, cries racking my body like barking dogs nipping at my overgrown nerves sprayed across my wooden floor.
It is me, lying down with my face to the blank ceiling, knowing it is my demise that I cannot see myself with happiness. I cannot see myself like an old friend returning from too long a trip. One I have not seen or heard, but will constantly want.
I hope to love myself as I do her.
Gia Raquel 
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